All Well That Ends Well 2011 (Well Just Wanted To Post Something on My Blog Before The New Year, Will Post Later)

What makes you happy?

Being me :D

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

So What Did Yo Do During Your Extra Weekend?

Well, for one thing, I slept. And that's about all I guess. What a waste of a weekend? Nah.

Lets start on a Saturday. Short and sweet, I went to SBM to help out in Kathina Day: a day where we pay respect and offer new robes to the fellow monks. Well, there wasn't much to do, other than carrying things from one end to another. Slacked at SBM for awhile, and saw something unexpected. Dylan, for some reason, threw a bottle, and FK face was in the path of the revolving bottle(hitting here was unintentional of course). So something moving at such a high speed, with a face in it line of movement isn't a good sign. And within a split second, I saw FK on the floor holding on to her face. We all went up to see if she was alright. A fact from her shattered specs and the sudden shock, she wasn't in any serious danger, thankfully, just a bruise on he check and a deep imprint on the side of her bridge.

Anyway, went down for a shopping trip with whoever who was still at SBM, which was Ernest, Vicky, XinYi, Dylan, KaiWen and FK. Well, since FK glasses broke, I loan her mine so she could window shop, and had to follow her around because she was holding on to my specs, and visibility was bad. Well, I started talking to her about stuff, and then, well, she sort of made me think through things clearer, and I appreciated that, thanks. :D Followed KaiWen to meet up with JianYong to play pool. And cabbed home.

Kathina Day, and I became the flag bearer. Help out in other stuff, which I'm kinda lazy to describe. After lunch, packed up a little and went home early to prepare for night cycling.

And then the adventure starts, but seeing that I got to sleep, I'm just gonna jump to the good part, where my bicycle wheel got punctured during the ride. There was an instant I heard a 'pop' sound, soon after, I needed more strength to paddle at the same speed my friends were paddling, and finally I heard the metal rim scrapping against the hard cement below. I ran pushing my bike to the nearest petrol kiosk. Pumped back air into the wheel, and off we went. However, after covering 2km worth of road, the rim started to make sounds again. Looking for an alternative, we decided that we go down to Magdalene house, which was close to the Kiosk where we re-inflated the wheel. So I pushed the bike 2km to her house, running. Awesome stuff. Continue to cycle and complete the route. When we arrived at East Coast Park, it was just in time for the sunrise, and it was awesome. After returning the bikes, we had breakfast and went home to have a good rest. Another adventure not to be forgotten.

I got to say, thanks to everyone who helped me and endured my problem with me. Wouldn't have got through this without you guys. Sad to say I wasn't much of use in the end :/

This weekend has thought me many things. Has inspired me to do more. Has made me a better person. Best of all, I'm back to my normal cheerful self again :D

Giving Up? Not Now. Still Need Time To Think.

Adventure Galore

A True Story Of A Boy

It was morning, the sun wasn't up, the sky was still dark, and I only had 4 hours of sleep. However, stupidity forced me to get out off my bed, no matter how much my good buddy, 'the brain', horned at me to just laze around like a fat cat I always was. My brain thought it was stupid to wake up this early, the reason why was even worst in his opinion, and started to hate me for doing it. I believe it was just tired though. 

Sprung out of bed, and immediately, without hesitation, went to the commode to wash up, take a crap and bath. Look at the sundial, 10 minutes left before the horse wagon leaves the station. With no time to lose, spread my spread on a slice of bread, took some awful drink, 5 minutes on the clock and I rushed out of the cottage. The feeling of the wind going against your body as I ran on the dirt road, was awesome, and since no donkeys, wagons, carriages or pull-carts took up much of the road because it not even dawn yet, It just felt like I owned the whole world. Reached the station 3 minutes before the first wagon left. 

Upon entering the wagon, the seats were totally empty, and that 'I owned the world feeling and no one can stop me' feeling occurred again. It just felt so awesome. I took out the banjo I brought along with me, and played my heart out, singing along to the tunes and such. It seems so peaceful. 

After an hour's journey, I got off the wagon, and hasten my movement, and reach my destination in 5 minutes. I stood in front of a barnyard, waiting for the doors to open. My brain is still lecturing me that it's a bad idea, but I wouldn't listen. A wondering merchant saw me, noticed that I was waiting anxiously for the gates to be opened. 

'you got to ask the guard to open it for you, my young boy!' He yelled.

'And how do you find him?' I questioned.

'He won't be here for another half a piece!' The merchant mentioned as he advanced to me, 'What are you doing here anyway?' 

'Left something in the royal barn, got to get it back as soon as possible.' I replied. 

'Haha! Well my friend good luck with that.' And he went off on his way. 

5 minutes in, and my impatient tendency kicked in. I decided to look for alternative ways to get in. Looking up and down, high and low, left and right, just for a opening where I can get in. Well, I did find a window, and you guessed it, I decided to go through that rather huge 'entrance'. However, the barn had 2 levels, and I noticed that there is nothing which leads me down to the first level. The only possible way to get down, was to jump. I did contemplate on doing that, but sneaking in is already a bad enough offence, and if I jumped down, I have no way back up. Thinking it through, I noticed that the inside of the barn was apparently quite dark. Remembering that I went fishing yesterday, and to the grass fields after to do some firefly catching with Xavier in the night, I immediately took out my fish rod, and my jar full of fireflies, mostly live. Shook the jar a bit to agitate them, and the jar immediately lit up. Tired the string to the jar and lowered it down to the first floor to brighten up the area. 

Took me awhile, but I saw something glitter in the light, which I got a feeling that was what I was searching for. Just when I was about to leave, I heard footsteps, I had the thought to hide but it was too late, the guard in-charged of the area spotted me. He pull me out and reprimanded me. Well, I knew I was in the wrong, but I did try to explain my self, but it was to no use. He wanted to bring me back to the royal guardhouse for questioning. I decide to follow suit, but requested that he help me open the gates so I can get the thing I'm looking for. He agreed nicely though. 

After opening the gates, I rushed in and put my things aside to look for it. Seems that the object which was glittering on the floor was what I was looking for. 

The Guard was curious and ask 'So what was it that was so important which you lost?' 

'It something which is precious to my friend, a ring' I answered. 

The guard gave me a weird glance, and I told him again 'more or less you know why I came in such a rush to look for it.' 

The guard gave a thought, and reluctantly replied 'alright, I'll let this matter go to rest, don't let me catch you doing this again.' 

I thank him like a crazy man, and quickly left the area. 

So being a good person does pay off. 

Well, it happened... In my context :)

Reckless Redemption

Week 3, The Difficulty Starts

Week 3, Day 1(15): I want to bang my head on the wall, things are getting tougher from now on. 

Well, the last time I blog was 2 weeks ago, before, school reopened. I struggle my way through the first week. Picked up some tips along the way. Did I mention I was vegetarian now? Surprised, surprised. 

Many people still doesn't know why I'm vegetarian. Well, I always wanted to be. And one day I went to this vegetarian restaurant, and the phrases and words there made me think, that is so true. I decided to start now, but slowly, by stop eating pork first, then chicken, then fish. Not only is this good from karma, I won't contract as much diseases by eating meat, will be healthier, will make me look better. However, a series of unfortunate events made me direct my focus to being vegetarian as soon as possible, to keep my mind of things, since its long term. Maybe some people might feel its stupid, but it does work for me. And I wanted to be vegetarian for awhile, so why not now? 

Where else to start? Lets go back to Saturday first, where I watched 'In Time' with the SBM family. Although the concept wasn't heavy portrayed, the desperation for humans to live longer, and the mental torture to know how much more time you have in this world everyday, is crazy. The rich lives forever, the poor just die at the age of 26. You are really paying your life by the second, literally. Everyday, you just wish you can live longer, seeing a day on your watch left, you just want more. The action was alright, the ending wasn't all that great, the show didn't pull me in, and concept wasn't properly explained. I'll give it a 6/10 because of the idea and the emotions shown in the movie. To a certain extent, you can feel the pain of seeing everyone around you die, and still have the will to live, even for the wrong intentions. And to think, you must cherish your time everyday, every hour, every minute every second, because you can do a lot in a day, other than just wasting your time away. Currently, I'm not making use of that time yet. 

I don't know, but why is it so strong? Why can't I let go? Why am I waiting? I question myself that. I never see flaws, I see everything beautiful about you. Your commitment, your smile, your stand on something you belief, the kind and warm you portray, that sensibility. If someone was with you, he is lucky to have you, and he better make you happy. I just don't know, I'll wait, I just feel it will be worth it, I don't know if that feeling is true. Is it? I want to know. I thought it was, but if it isn't, that means I have been a jerk. I could have been close friends, without this air lingering around, I spoiled a friendship, how selfish of me. All I want now, is just to be good friends. It feels heavy when I'm around you, but I don't know, maybe its just a crush, and I'll get over it, maybe it isn't, maybe I'm really lo... don't say it to soon. I must sort out my feelings first. Lets just be good friends, Ok? Then we see where it goes... 

Now that I got that off, maybe is time to do something meaningful for a change, I should save up and get a keyboard, should be time for one, and to start learning. And I finally bought my ear piece :)

P.S. I forgot, vegetarian food saves me a hell lot of money :D 

P.S.P.S. I still got a hell lot of things not done yet D:

Exponential Difficulty

Last Days Of The Holidays

Well, its been... Different, this entire holiday. The list of things I wanted to do has not been completed. Had my ups and lows, had talks, had worries, had fun, made memories, made friends, learn, improve, many new things.

I have learn to never stab your friends in your back, never bad mouth them, never leave a friend behind, respect them for who they are, accept them for what they are, and if you can change them for the better. Friends are important.

I looked out the window, I listen to advice, I say my thoughts, and I things through. I talk with people, asked for help, I learn from them through sight and sound, and they made my day.

I'll never forget the times, the smiles, the joy. I also will never forget the pain, the insults, the regrets.

Went to cycling, made a twitter, went to loft, admire someone, the camps I went, the countless days coming back to school, sending people off, picking people up, staying up in the night, drinking. Awesome time.

This holiday was great, but all good things come to an end, and other good things will sprout out in time. I just have to tackle the challenges that is going at me head on, fight with it and not matter how much I fall. Stay strong. No one is a loser, everyone comes out a winner. I got a feeling its going to be tough, foresight tells me this, but time will tell.

Nervous Intensity

This Weekend Changed My View Of Life

To think, two days has changed me a lot. Understanding myself, understanding others, finding out that there is more to life than petty problems we face everyday. The three weekends (Yes, I consider Friday as my weekend) have taught me plentiful, its long, I'll tell you.

I fear of rejection, I'm not lying. I fear of failure, I'm not lying to that too. How I face it when I come face to face with it? I hide. I always told myself that I won't hide, but I still have been doing it even after I quoted it. I play, have fun, so that I won't think about it, and then face it later, when it doesn't hurt that much, and also the fact that most men can't multi-task well. Fact.
And once I got used to the pain, I got over things faster, but I still haven't face my fear, reason? I fear of separation. One thing I dislike about separation is the awkward phase, and that phase can range drastically, and I hate unexpectedness happening.
'We always tell ourselves expect the unexpected? I punch you in the face, than I'll ask if you expected that.' A funny quote I saw online. We must expect anything possible to happen though, even that type of things.
Going back on topic: yes, that something I fear the most. I know that it is impermanent, life and all, but, I want it to be, at least until the day that I die. And with all these 3 fears, it leads up to a very big one(or a small one in fact): Fear of popping THE question. And yes, I would hide if I met them.

But that was the past, or before Friday at least. During the weekends, I learned that there are worst things to my 'problems' which I sub-consciously created, they might not be even problems, and sometimes they are actually opportunities. Worst things like my grades, balancing my social life and my work life, my goals being at stake etc. etc. And I also learn that my 'problems' are actually nothing much in other people's eyes, they have faced worst. And this kept me thinking: Why am I so selfish? Why do I get emotional over something so trivial, something I have been through what seems like a thousand over times to others, when there are others getting worst out there? Why didn't I make the effort to help them instead of harping over my problems? And instead insult them, mock them, stab them through their chest from the back? I can't believe I did that as a human, I don't even think am one, more like a monster.

'It's not something to be proud off, what I'm proud of is that through this, I can enlighten others who are in need of help, let them realize that there is much more than what you are facing now,' from the friend who enlighten me, paraphrasing what he said. His stories were surprising, but not to the fact that I was mind-blown. From the first day I met him, I knew that nothing is simple about him. And when you give up your selfish thoughts, and put yourself in someone else's shoes, you will know how difficult it was for my friend. Even I have no idea how I would do it. Thinking that Buddhism had helped me so far, I found out that my friends around me had help me too. To get through difficult times, to advice me on things which benefit me, to change me the way I am now. If I could, and I would, I would have been there for him if I knew him at those times of turmoil. Thanks for being there for me now, I'll be there for you when you need it too.

'If you lose your self-confidence, you are a loser'. That was another phrase that struck my head. I was always booming with self-confidence every single day, but when it came down to this problem, this situation, I pulled me all the way back to the point of 'no confidence'. And when he told me that, I totally wanted to slap myself: what for being upset of something when you have not even tried it yet? How can I have no confidence in something I have not even tried out? And that's the point where I say 'hey, you know what? I'm a winner, I'm never a loser. Whatever I do, I do not regret, I do with pride. If there is a mistake, learn and not repeat, because everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. I'm a winner, and so is everyone else'. That totally pull me back up as high as I can't see.

'I may had liked her, or her, or even her, but I try not to bother about these things, so everything will be natural'. And that kept me thinking, I may like her, and I keep thinking about her, but that just voids every other possible thought I could have which would have made my life better. So I know I like her more than a friend, and so let that feeling be. I have other things more important to worry about than that, if it turns out right where I want it, it will. So now just let her get used to me being around, being comfortable, and if it doesn't progress, I'll still will like her more than a friend, but I will treat her as my younger sister, and then so be it, I'll feel happy that she is around me. As long as her feelings for me as a friend, or maybe even a older brother, lasts.

And I got a strong feeling she more or less knows that I like her, cause of all the craziness that happened, but she doesn't shows signs of being uncomfortable around me, yet, feeling glad about that. I heard that she treats me more like having a brother-sister relationship, which I think its too early to say that, but who knows? It may turn out being best bro/sis, and I would be contented enough. Scared though that if she does read this blog, she thinks that I'm a weirdo or something, and if that happens, well, that's sad to hear, and worst still if she avoids me, but what to do? Just Move Along like the All American Rejects: go listen, its a good song. Life still has to carry on no matter what.

And today was a fruitful day, I clean my hamster cage, I went to SBM, and I learnt about facing fears from the sharing. It might not be as much as the day before, but I still something to take note. I accepted that I have fear and suffering within me, within this world, thorough the 4 noble truths. which leads to the noble 8 fold paths, the part of right understanding hit me. If I understood impermanence, I would know that it happens to relationships, I would also know that feelings are impermanent, but I'll try, I'll try to make things better if possible, if not, I'll stay contented at where it is, not lower. And through these right understandings, I can decide on the right actions and right effort I put in. And when I realized that, a flower bloomed within me. Lapak and had dinner with the guys, before going off to meet and fetch the Wuhan brothers home, or at least at the airport. Thanks Brandon's dad for dropping me off at my house, appreciated it :)

To summarized what I learn these few days: Be selfless, put yourself in others shoes, don't let small problems affect you: it may not even be a problem after all, never stab your friends: help them instead, be contented with what you have now: nothing is forever permanent, if it goes you let go, if there is a challenge deal with it, Buddhism helps in my way of life.

I really, like I always do, thanks my friends throughout the world getting to know you, my belief in Buddhism, myself for being able to get through shit alive, because without them and my family, I would not have been what I am today, Glen TitinyQwerz Tan ;) You all are truly awesome, never forget that people :) Do stay in touch ;D

Well I got some cycling to do with Dr Koh and Kai Feng at ECP tomorrow, or later, so got to sleep soon.

Never live your life with regrets, be close to the people you love, and work towards the life you want. Nothing is impossible, its just an excuse not to try. And stay happy, care not about the things they do, but the feelings they have had going through it. Never take your friends for granted or worst, stabbing them from behind, be glad to have them and appreciate them, even if no one appreciate the things you do, be glad you did it for the sake of them being happy, for it being the right thing to do, and Move Along.

My Friends, Family and Myself: I Love You All. Peace Out.

Unlocking Myself

I'm Filled With Sugar, Rearrange It

I'm currently still in sugar rush mode, so I'm getting crazy online and posting stuff. Therefore I going to post more stuff till it wears off. So I got a puzzle, rearrange it:
This is to you.
I can say though, I dislike being cut off.
I Can't believe I'm saying this now.
Got a feeling there is going to be headaches involve in the morning.
It hurts when you end it suddenly.
I'm starting to get hook on twitter, die dude, die. *shotgun BANG*
I wait and wait.
Don't stop.
And when it doesn't return.
Seriously I'm getting hooked on it.
I assume things to make me happy.
I needs my enjoyment time, oh ya, I had it just now and it was AWESOME!
Tired to do so, slip of mind, busy.
Half way through a conversation.
But when I see that you can do other things and not bother.
Ice cream, scandals, gossip, and lots of screaming, two thumbs!
Somewhere in me breaks
Anticipation sucks when it there no show.
I don't know why.
Stupid stories and its cliff hangers, die.
I feel like crap, like a loser.
*Cries*
Why does this happen.
It's like a cliff-hanger.*Jumps off a cliff*
Please reply, or end it properly.
Don't know why I still eat wrong things when I'm already like shit.
Don't leave me there waiting, hanging edging.
Control more.
I'll wait, I have to persevere to get what I want
It always does, sucks thumb get over it, continue until its really over.
My heart may ache
Sleep makes me happy, you make me happy.
But I stay strong.
Hayden an asshole though.
I cannot say I love you, not yet.
Still good.
But don't ignore me please.
Friends are awesome sauce.
Acknowledge and reply, or finish it, that's all I need
Abrupt endings fail to the max.
I don't like it hanging there.

Where there isn't a proper ending to it.

It hurts

OK I'm done, so its now time for you to solve this puzzle, or maybe not. I'm starting to feel the fatigue kicking in. Time to sleep.
You can brighten up my day any time, just don't ignore it.
Sugar Attraction

Friends: The Sacrifice I'm Willing To Go Through

Friends, they do everything. They have fun with you, make you laugh, joke with you, insult you, scold you, cause havoc with you, are there for you, help you, argue with you, hate you, fight with you, envy you, understand you, misunderstand you, do shit with you. I know that many things I said above have some bad elements to it, but that what friends do. And then you think, if they do everything, doesn't that mean everyone is your friend? 

I look at it that way. Its good to do so, and this allows me to treat everyone equally, if the factors allow me to. However, I don't expect everyone to treat me in that way. They may treat me like dirt, treat me like crap, see me as an asshole, like a joke, a loner, but I still will treat them as a friend. What is the point of making someone unhappy? What good is there? I won't argue, I won't retaliate, because it builds up tension and there is no point to do so. I'll just take their scoldings, their insults, their remarks, their comments, I would rather let them be right than I be right and lose my friend, what glory is there to it? I rather lose my pride, my ability to stand up for myself, my own image in the eyes of others that lose someone entirely.

Friends, it takes so much sacrifice to have them, but in the end, its all worth the crap. 

Unfriendly Companions 

Side Note: I Have a Very Bad Feeling That Number 15 is Coming Soon, Damn.

A Paradox Of Story And Random

I do many things because of people. I made this blog because of someone I liked. I made a Facebook for someone I liked. I made a MSN because of someone I liked, and for gaming as well. And in the end, I did not regret making a blog, I did not regret having a Facebook, nor did I regret having a MSN. And then came Twitter, and soon I won't regret having a Twitter. In the end of all of this, I wasn't with any of them, sadly, but that's fine, because I found joy and convenience in the things I did from the start to the end, with my blog, facebook, MSN. And I do have to thank them. 

Then what about Twitter? Yes, I made it out of impulse, but I got a feeling I will continue using it. However, will it be the same outcome as the other 3? I have been through 14 failures, and I say, I don't want a 15, although I should be OK with this happening again, but in actual fact, I fear. 

I may seem to know every single thing, but this is something I'm alien to. I really don't know how to approach this, or I just don't want to approach it, I don't know. I want to get through this myself, but I know I need friends to help. Do they really help? Yes they support you in spirit, and might give a good word or two, but will day actually make it better or for worst? I wonder. 

In the end, I can't blame my friends for the outcome, I can't blame anyone about it, only me. Even if there are external factors suppressing my chances, adapt to it, find a way around it. It's my fault for all the failures, not anyone, and I just have to suck it up and do whatever it takes to get what I want, if all else fails again, so let it be, so let life go on. I'll will have to face it one day, and whatever happens, I won't regret. I don't care what my friends says, just adapt to it, I have lived with it more than I can remember. 

I got to admit though, I feel like a loser, on many occasions, and I don't know if others feel the same way. Always complaining, thinking about stuff in the future and not acting on it, thing about the person I like but not doing anything about it, or not doing enough. Thinking that when others look at me, they look at me in a good way, they talk behind my back as it was something good. So loser-like of me, ain't it? I do wish I'm wrong at times. Yet I think, complaining is a way to give feedback, and thinking that people are looking at and talking about me in a good view boost my self-esteem. And one more thing, I believe I'm right. For this, I wish I wasn't right about it. 

Yet, a loser to others may mean always giving up, forgetting the people who made you who you are, only caring about themselves, would be the first to run, always pessimistic, thinking that they are the best, thinking that they no need help, that they can do everything. Sadly some of them I show from time to time, but I'll will never leave people behind, I will never give up, I am always putting others ahead of me, willing to treat myself like shit so that others can be glorified, and I will never forget the people who I met and known, taking note of even the smallest detail I had and enjoy with them. I may carry these ideals, but I still feel a loser. 

Backtracking to the part where I got a twitter, this just shows I fell hard for you. And I may fall harder if things goes out the way I don't want it to happen. However, after 14 times, I am able to climb back up to ground level. People might think, that doesn't mean much to you, yes it does, it's just that I can come to consensus that 'I can't do anything more, I wish you all the best, hope we stay as friends, I will remember the small and awesome time we had, and hope we can have more in the future' better from understanding impermanence. In the end, this life journey will be worth it, it something totally new, and I should learn something about it. 

15? So be it. 

Hope Edging 

Confused: Unsung or Fame

Who wouldn't want it? Popularity? Fame? Attention? Who doesn't want it? Appreciation? Recognition? Acceptance? We all say we don't, we tell them there isn't a need for it. But, within us, we want it. It's a simple form of reverse psychology. No matter how much you force yourself saying, you no need help, you no need this, you no need that, inside you, there is a small bit which says 'it's not true, I want it'. 

For a person like me, yes, I feel that way at times, like when I say there is no need for this, there is no need for that, I don't mean it, but it I only feel that way if they ask 'you need it?'. If they keep their mouth shut, I feel, what is the point for them to show attention, to recognize me, to appreciate what I have done? And a scenario like this, makes me think: Screw popularity, screw attention, screw recognition, screw appreciation, as long as I'm doing things right, as long as I'm doing things I like, doing things not against my morals, then I no need all of it, because what I'm doing, it makes me happy. 

In the situation however, when they ask, I feel that they want me, need me, appreciate me. And then, I'll pull the 'Nah, it's ok, I don't need it', so I can feel more appreciation. Sounds kinda dumb, I know, but if I can get more, then why not?

And it is because of these two conflicting scenarios, at times, I don't know if I want popularity, fame, attention, appreciation, recognition, acceptance, at times I like being an unsung hero, someone that gets the job done, and nothing more that it being another day, being it simple, nothing complicated. And at times, I want people to listen to me, to hear me out, where maybe I can do something more, when they need me, want me there. 

And as how I deal my problems, I figure them out myself, usually. It's easy at times, but sometimes, it takes someone to inspire, to help me. I wonder if I can find that someone. 

Wondering Preferences 

Crushing On Her

Everyone know this famous phrase 'once bitten, twice shy'. And it is mainly used for many things, one of it is love. Love is a very big topic to cover, but its something everyone must face. And of course, almost everyone, needs love, those who doesn't are people who will eat your souls, most probably.

Now, let go to something more specific. Let talk about crushing on someone. I for one, am a person that can fall for someone very easily, mainly because I take more notice on their good points, what makes girls beautiful to take note, to look at, to smile at, and less notice on their bad ones. Being it on the surface like pretty, cute, hot ,to their character like nice, smart, elegant, caring, I don't see much of a flaw. And when even I see a flaw, I always believe that it can be corrected. However, do take note that the form of crushing only happens when you barely got to know the person. Whether or not you develop strong feelings or just that 'I just want to be friends with this awesome person' happens later on, only when you get to know them better. So basically, crushing is the basic form before actual love is cultivated, and it is usually one-sided, until some time later, or maybe never.

So, what with the phrase 'once bitten, twice shy'? Well, if so happens that you do develop strong feelings, you would start doing stupid things at times without thinking, because that feelings will cause a blur when evaluating. At times risking it works, but in my case, I fail quite a lot, to an extent that the phrase would not apply to me, but still does. Sure I'm immune to the pain of rejection, where I usually get over it fast and pretend nothing wrong or awkward has happened, but guess what? I'm still afraid of it. Being through things made me think through my actions better, much more logical, but to a point where there is an abyss in the way. Sure, it may have gone smoothly so far, but I lack that risk to jump over. And seeing that my standing broad jump isn't that good in both aspects, I always fail to make it over, make it in time, or just don't jump.

For a person like me, I hate risk, simply put it, cause its not foolproof. Factors always affect the entire thing, and when it does, you usually screw yourself. Of cause, everyone ask you to go for it and all, but stupidly, it not their life, it yours, and you are screwing with it. That's why I'm keeping it a secret, something I need to deal with myself, something that no one knows or take seriously of me.

One more thing, I hate keeping secrets, but I can, it just pains me that I can't tell to someone close to at times. Why? Simple, I like gossip, who doesn't?

I hold the burden in, with much control. I want help, but I believe in myself, and sometimes, it sucks. Why you must tell a secret to someone? It's something you need to talk about, so you can share the load, seek friends for advice, or just to develop a common topic to talk about or make friends. Trust is something which might be lost, when undervalued, if you spread a secret. So now the problem is, should I?

I lost myself halfway typing, so if parts of it seems rubbish, then it is. According to the list, it has stayed stagnant from the last time, so I don't bother typing it out again, until a significant change. More or less you know from this post, I'm crushing on someone, which I feel impossible to get, even though I say impossible is an excuse not to try. Why? Simple, she is nice, sociable, cute, pretty, sweet, fun-loving, and this list can go on and on and on, and to think, which guy would not have an eye on her? Or even some guy is already with her for all I know. I may lack confidence, but my ego and self-esteem has never left me one bit.

Confidence, i need to find it.

On a side note, awesome day today. Porridge was awesome and the after dinner activities and antics were great.

Say Hi

1 To 1

They are weird, maybe even weirder than my batch, but that just makes them more awesome. Handing over Society to them, I feel that it would be fine. 

When you tell me I'm individualistic, show signs of selfishness, only about me, my, mine, you guys think about it yourself as well. You know their standard, yet you guys don't want to put it at the end, choosing smack-centre of the time-slot. After being shot at, you think they will still have the mood to continue practicing after? Call it pampering, call it spoon feeding, I call it being fair. I don't expect you guys to insult them, break them down, because most of you guys do not have the heart to do so. I'll just let you guys comment, I won't have anything to say during that time. 

What one man can do is limited. 

Progress:

Watch Letter Bee and Letter Bee Reverse --> 50%

Survive the holidays --> don’t know if I’ll make it

Torrent music --> not started

Get a girlfriend --> never come close to it

Research light-speed at Ikariam--> Research stagnant

Build an army in Ikariam --> got defeated and started to reduce

Get new headphones and earphones --> 0%

Play more games --> Don't know where to start

Hangout with awesome people --> been doing that, which I think it’s killing me

Read up on manga --> on it

Shopping --> Stopped

Learn to play the piano --> 3 week of no practice

Have fun --> Yup

Upload photos from photography class --> Not done

OAC video --> ¼ of it

I'm dying now, with a sore throat and lack of sleep. Fuck

Sleepless Strength

Effort and Sacrifice

Progress:

Watch Letter Bee and Letter Bee Reverse --> 50%

Survive the holidays --> somewhere there

Torrent music --> not started

Get a girlfriend --> never come close to it

Research light-speed at Ikariam--> Researching slowly

Build an army in Ikariam --> better progression than the above

Get new headphones and earphones --> 0%

Play more games --> Don't know where to start

Hangout with awesome people --> everyday

Read up on manga --> doing it

Shopping --> Here and there

Learn to play the piano --> 2 week of camp made me stop practicing

Have fun --> umm, will come back to that

(UPDATE)

Upload photos from photography class --> Not done

OAC video --> not started

Well, majority of it is not progressing well, and my grades just dropped... Major bummer. It seems like my future which I aimed for looks bleak. Very demoralized as you can see, very unsure of what to do, more like I don't want to do anything. Even I know I can't do that, but feelings can never be stopped, it will reoccur, it how you deal with them. I decided to ignore them, and just work harder. That's what I can do, and from a friend I know, she once said 'words are cheap'. Hope mine isn't. 

Effort and Sacrifice, Its Tiring 

It's a OAC, at Block 50

So, you will never guess where I am now, typing this blog. If you guess it right, I'm currently blogging from the 6th level of block 50 at Ngee Ann Polytechnic, room 06-01. Turns out that this classroom has its floors carpeted, interesting.

Anyway, the time here was supposed to be spent doing things for the camp during night walk and for chit-chat, but one by one my friends were picked off by an unknown force, which I assume is laziness. Currently in the room with Louis and SW, busying finding stuff to do. And I decided to find some time to blog.

Well, last post was about OAC. So its kinda obvious what I'm going to talk about: NINJAs!!!! Just kidding, but Ninjas are awesome too.

Even though the OAC wasn't for me to enjoy, I enjoyed it. Even if I didn't bond with the GLs much, I enjoyed watching their progress growing together as a family. Even though I wasn't a GL, I felt like one because of my juniors. I can't thank them enough to remind me of the inspiration they provided me. Actually, I did not thank them verbally, but I'm grateful for what they have shown, portray and proven, that even though through the toughest times they must pull through, they do it together as a team. Hopefully a video is a good enough thanks for them. Great, awesome people I have to say. Love yo' faces people!

No we move on to super happy fun time news: I'm tired.

Can a twitter account be linked to a blogger account? If so, I may resort to twitter.

Beauty is perception: I see everyone beautiful

Update the check list some other time.

Well wish me luck for the night D:

Fireflies Files

A Camp And Stuffz

Watch Letter Bee and Letter Bee Reverse

Survive The Holidays

Torrent Music

Get A Girlfriend

Research At Light-speed In Ikariam

Build An Army In Ikariam

Get New Headphones and Earphones

Watch More Anime(Will Update On This)

Play My Games

Hang Out With Awesome People

Read Up On Manga

Shopping!

Learn the piano, somewhat.

Have fun

And if there is anything else to add on my holiday list, I would continue to. I did say I was going to type a list, so here it is, a simple one, which is better than nothing. Now I got my list, I'm heading off to camp. Yes! Camp, till Sunday that is. I just decided to blog today cause I found free time. Yay! 

No, seriously, I really don't have much time to spare for blogging. 

Time to feed dah Hamster. 

Cut It

Trees

A seed, it may not seem much, but once you plant it, something so minuscule becomes mammoth. In the end, one day or another, it will die. Before it departs for the world that we know, it leaves mere seeds dropping from a hovering canopy, to the forest floor. These seeds will be like it, either letting nature do its job, or a person to cultivate it, or might be even food for the wildlife around,and even food goes back to the ground eventually. It will grow like the one it was, hovering all grandeur and mighty.
From age, comes wisdom.
We all started out as a little seed. We grew, branching out whatever we learn, from the glaring light that shined from the sun guiding us the way up, the water which gives us courage to stand firm, and the air that we breathe, knowing that we are still living as we are today.
When we grow, we develop ideas, interest, knowledge, feelings; those are the seeds of the trees. They grow in you as well, and can influence the growth of seeds, for the better or the worst.
It affects and/or cultivates by/with/our people around us, or it may grow along side you, and or it may just be a consideration. Its a selective for farmers to choice the best seeds, and the rest just grows or get eaten and returned too.
Yet, no tree is the same, even though it comes from that one tree, it is different. It is not where it comes from that is important, it is not how and where it start that makes it different, neither where it end, it is the process of growth which makes each tree special and unique.
All trees have a lifespan, whether small, big, different, similar, and so do you, as well as your ideas. One day, it will wither and die, either remembered or forgotten.

Trees: its representation is more that what shown here. How you picture a tree, is up to you.

Well, that just came fluently. I was just thinking about trees, and here I am, with a post about it, or something to that extent.
Exams are about to end soon, with one paper to go on Friday, plus one on Monday, because of dip-plus. Hah, I made a cold joke, lame. Anyway, since the holidays are coming soon, and another semester of my exploits in Polytechnic is about to come to a close, and a new holiday is here. Before you know it, its school all over again. And I been thinking, 'have I achieved what I wanted to do in this semester?' Grades on the other hand, have failed to my expectations, from what I foresee.
So putting that aside, I'm already awesome at Texas poker now, because I'm known for being a comeback king every Thursday. I have more friends now, which is awesome. I enjoyed photography lessons in school. I attend frequent sharings and is more involved at SBM now.
Hmm, that's about all I guess. Things I see, other than grades, which I did not achieve are better social skills, who does want that? I want it.
Fitness, I'm getting a belly now.
Closer friends, friends are friends, but I want to be a better friend.
A girlfriend, that is always in my list every semester.
Better LSCT training. As an instructor, I actually suck, but truth is the rest suck more. No offence though. Yes, they are learning no doubt, I don't expect a drastic change in results though, but I just can't picture how it will end when FOC comes, or maybe its just that I don't want to picture it. I have not fully given up in the spirit of society, but I just don't see it there anymore. One voice can't do anything, especially me, some how or rather. I join main committee so that work together with my fellow mates, and return back to society. I was wrong, society changed people in ways which I did not want. All I want now is my fellow GLs back.

Anyway, swaying off from topic, there are somethings I didn't expect: Like drinking too much
Spending too much
Unexpectedly getting to know some people better
Crushing on someone

And many others which I can't think off right now. Well, my check list for the holidays should be done by Monday latest, I'll get back to you on that.

Re-Reflections

I feel that today, I won't type about something lame, something that is stupid, something that I feel that is not worth saying, but still type it for the sake of this blog. This maybe long, but reflections about my life is sometimes required. Maybe it is stupid, maybe it is not required, and so don't read, it will be long, I warn you. 

What made me feel this way? The emotions of others, the comments passed around about me, my friends and people I have not met, the reactions of friends, the way I do work, the way I lead, the thoughts in my brain, the things around me basically. The things I take note everyday, just accumulate within me, and it really didn't affect me, until it reach the point of threshold. I don't know if that point is even fixed, maybe it varies? It could be that time of everyone's life, where we think, what is the meaning of life? Our life? 

I had many moments like this, thinking if this was the correct way, has my attitude made anyone unhappy, is this the way I should lead my life? And many others nevertheless. It has been acting as my review, as my reminder on my goals, aspirations, dreams, attitude, outlook and many other things, which I can't remember of right now. A person told me, that from the outer appearance of mine, he can clearing tell me that I'm still trying to find myself, who I actually am? I say I have multiple personas no doubt, with different people around, I react differently, so and so I don't know which one of me is real. 

I believe in astrology and horoscopes, majority of it, especially those that explain ones personality, but not ones relationships. And 90% of that, is seemingly true. I'm actually an Aries-Pieces cusp, a combination of both, and depending on the date, usually the characteristics of one will be more dominant than the other. However, I was born on the day directly in between. Seeing that both of them conflict each other a lot, in my case, my ideals within me conflict very much, and maybe that is the reason why I have to review myself, frequently. If I was aware enough, I can change these attributes, but sub-consciously, when you are off your guard, you revert back to the characteristics of your horoscopes, from what I noticed. And with me being such a cusp, I lead many personas. Yet there must be something, somewhere, I can find who I really am, maybe it is something good? Maybe its something not? I'll find out, one day. 

Reminders, something I dread, usually the type of reminders your parents, friends and any other person keep harping on, I know it is good, because not everyone can remember everything on their first try, but I have always dislike harping, especially those who makes use of people's bad experiences and moments in their life, or in my life. We know how bad that incident was, we all saw it, we all can remember what we did wrong, something so big which me, myself can remember for life, and you bring it up just to think that I am not capable of doing other things, just to shoot me down, because you, yourself think that you are so great? What about the good things I did? Why don't you bring that up to remind me??? I always think it that way at the start, and if I don't think further on through those covers, I will just get frustrated. 

When I think through those covers, I can find the reason why you do that. I mention earlier, we can't remember everything, we have to reminded frequently before it can be permanently registered, or just something worth remembering. Yet, like I say, if there was something worth remembering, something that I can learn from, I will remember, and you don't have to repeat it. Of course, I won't know if you are just using it as a form of mockery, which I dislike. Although I have learn that you are able to use negative comments to make yourself a better person, I couldn't use that in things which has already had an impact on me. It just makes me bitter to see people raising up flaws instead of glory. Yet, even if it pisses me off for people to do that, I got to thank them for doing so, by nailing it deeper in my head, so I will never forget. By helping me be be more outspoken and not giving up, by arguing back even though I'm fighting a losing debate. By controlling my metal and over come my limits, where my heart knows that its my fault, but my brain will never succumb to admit my wrongdoing, usually, unless it is obvious of course. 

I love to debate, shown above, and I have that never-lose spirit, but sometimes being unable to accept defeat isn't a bad thing. If people are as strong headed as you, one side has to stop the fire, and by giving in at times, resolves the problems. However, I'm an ideologist, and I usually support my own idea, unless, of course, you are able to prove me wrong in an intellectual debate, on why your idea is better. If people don't support my idea, I may just show them a fucked up attitude, or just hide it to myself, at the least, depends on basis. Now, when I have an idea, I feel that it must be implemented if arguments about it is invalid. Maybe I need to know, why am I doing this? Is this beneficial, or self-centered? Is there a point fighting for it? At times, I know friends who do this, and of course, I don't want to be like them, especially when you place your emotions into work-related projects. My idea may not always be the right way; that is something I ought to learn. Somehow, I came to notice this today, when I wanted to show that it wasn't wrong of what I was doing, until I was shot down, basically it was only self-beneficial to me by doing so. I still give excuses, but I just can't can't give them. I know I did my wrong, but I still fight for it being something which isn't a big matter. Maybe I'm just screw? I still got things to learn I guess. 

It was supposed to be known that left-handed are generally smarter and excel better at sports than right handed people. And it is not just my left-hand, I am overall left-dominant, where even my leg, eyes and ears, are left-dominant. Yet that doesn't mean anything if I don't put in effort to study. It only takes 5% genius, and 95% effort, to do something awesome. Efforts weakness is laziness, which is currently producing nothing. Need to work on my effort to do something.

Cyberspace. Actually, cyber-gaming. I'm weak against games, and that what my will tells me. And what does this actually benefit me, other than hand-eye coordination and mindless fun? Maybe exploring a great community? Rarely. We play, we eat, we sleep. Well that what I think. And don't you feel that it is a little meaningless? Gaming is a waste of time and money, from what I feel. I could be off exercising, training, building up my knowledge, and I use this time to play games. Although after awhile, you get sick of these games and give up on them, one day, you may just want to pick them up and play again. And really, it consumes your time like hell. That's one thing I'm putting effort in, and not in anything else. And really, putting effort into gaming won't bring you far. Wake up Glen, do something meaningful and worthwhile in your life. Yet how much I plan a schedule, it wouldn't work out pretty much in the end, after a few days of change, you may just want to change back. 

Love? I shall not touch on that. Let's just say, nothing much, but even still, we all do have it, and each of us has our personal definition, but I think love can be generalize just to something simple.

Effort, I have told myself something important every single day: Effort beckons results, where the more the effort, the better the result is of that specific aim. Throughout this ranting, I have been explaining myself, so I can do something about it with the help of effort. I have done it, writing this lengthy post, at such a late time. I put in so much effort just for myself, so I can find true meaning in life. However, when you place effort on something, you only can really focus one thing to be about to get it 99.9% perfect. If not, you can see the cracks and flaws here and then. Maybe, it really boils down to effort. The more effort you put into something, the better results you get.

And from there I work up. 

That's all I remember which required typing. No doubt I have wrote a lot, but this is just a small portion. Currently, I'm just to tired to think and requires rest. My reflection shall end here, and I hope that I can turn into some better. 

If what you read was corny and horrible, then that is your problem. I think I forgot what I typed in this state of mental fatigue.

4am Sleep

Are Dreams Found In The English Dictionary?

Sleeping late at night recently, or some call it very early morning, has caused me to dream almost everyday, from Monday onward. And no, they are not wet dreams.

Of course, not everyone has develop the skill of remembering everything from a dream. I can remember bits and pieces only. From: 

a tsunami, to a hotel building, out a small house, attending a council gathering, and a zombie apocalypse, where I went to a TF2 map, I saw a heavy and a scout, missing a space shuttle, powering the next space shuttle, acting like a hero, kissing a girl, running, lots of it, defending at a bunker, and I think that is all I can remember. At times, I'm aware that I'm in a dream, because I so called, magically transported from a place to another, and I just carry along with the dream. At times, when I wake up, I wish I was still back there, especially when ends at the good part or leaves me hanging on a cliff. 

I still remember the time, that I type on the blog, about a dream with a certain someone, obviously a girl, like having a great time, not sex, but a good time. And then I woke up from the sound of blabbering Indians construction workers outside my house. I tried to go back to sleep and encounter that dream again, only to find myself in a zombie apocalypse, and I was running for the hell of my life. Funnily, saying prayers out loud in my dreams makes the zombies ignore you, as I ran past my mum and grandma praying. And when I woke up, the feeling just sucked. 

Anyway, enough of dreams, and I'm here to talk about stuff, starting with the English dictionary. It interest me to see that 400 new words have been added in to the official words of Oxford Dictionary. Some of these words include Retweet, Sexting, Woot and Noob. So when English teachers mark us down for these imaginary words, tell them to look it up in the dictionary, and I still can't help notice that my computer and Google Chrome made red wiggly line under those words what noobs. There it is again! 

Nyan cat on violin is awesome, as it is on piano, I need to learn!!!

So here to end off the post by saying I have my examinations tomorrow, after which I'll study at SBM. 

Life is hard. 

Chasing While Being Chased

I assume yet again.

It's like a game of snake and ladders. Roll a dice, take a chance, move forward or slide backwards. If there is players, its just more tense, because there can be only one winner, no second place. But what if there are people who are playing for you? And you are playing the same game for someone? Than that is a problem.
I love to be friends, best friends, true friends.But I just pray that it is not to the extent to what I think it is.

Cruel Fate

A Message, Reminders And A Line About A Dream

I don't know, are you referring to me? If you are,
I can tell you, I don't understand, but I want to understand, I want to help, if you no need help, then I respect that decision. If that does happen, no matter what you do, you're still a good friend to me, I don't care if it is or isn't ugly, everyone's beautiful, because I always can see the nice things. Force? Never, will I do that, you don't have to if you don't want too. My friends make me smile. What or who makes you smile?
If you are not, then its a message to you, my support is with you :)

It's has been an interesting week.

For me, when I say hi and bye to someone, I do recall the times I had with them, that awesomeness which was created. Even if they don't reply back, it was a pleasure to say hi to you. You made me smile by saying hi, hope I can make you smile when we meet again.

Another thing, how do you help others when you can't help yourself. If you can't help yourself, then ask help from others. It's a simple cycle. Help if you can, and if they ask, help them back. First of all though, help yourself, or request for help. We all need support, we all need help, we are always depended, its not shameful to. No matter how much you say you can handle it, you will need it. And don't worry, there are always hands there for you to grab, whether you want it or not.

The importance of a thing or situation depends on how you relay it across.

The smallest things in life can cause a great impact in the way we lead it.

We all know it, yet we don't action on it.

If I had one wish, I would wish everyone to be happy. 


I think that is about all. I remembered I dreamt of surviving a tsunami, which I did, like a boss. And my hamster is lazing on its wheel now. 


Contagious Concepts 

Fun And Expectations

What is fun? In the dictionary, it means Enjoyment, amusement, or lighthearted pleasure from the things you do. We all have our own fun, a fun which is defined by us, our own beliefs, something which makes us smile, makes us happy, cleared from worries. That feeling. Is there something that everyone can do together and have fun? As in something common in everyone? If we humans are considered similar in a way, should there be something like that we can consider fun to everyone? I wonder. 

Yesterday, learned about the term expectations, something that usually you want for your own benefit. And to think, I have been living in my own expectations, only to bring myself down; I'm so used to it, that the down time only affects me for a short while. It may not seem that it was an expectation, but it was. I thought it would happen, not now, but later on, and it seems that now, it will not. So, why expect the unexpected, something that isn't there yet, so just suck up and let go. Aspire instead of expecting, although it is fine to have them. 

You have friends. 

Both of you fall for someone. 

You know but he doesn't. 

What do you do? 

Is it war? 

Or just be the nice guy? 

A puss that give in? 

I don't know really. 

There are many things I don't know. 

From Afar

the world's ending tomorrow. what do you think you'd want to wear when death comes for you? (:

Something to scare death away

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

Do you agree that all is fair in love and war?

I agree, although the people you go head to head for love and war, may not always play fair

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

I Call This Fear

This feeling, when someone gets hurt, it pains me to see, even hear. Yet its temporary. 

This feeling, when the elderly get hurt, you can't stand and bare the pain of it going on. It's still temporary, but it hit you harder. 

What about a family member, old, in her eighties, and you found out she got hurt badly? 

That feeling, which I call 'fear' was induced within when I heard the bad news. 

Coming home from fencing, I thought it would be a fine day, like any other day, late, playing with my hamster, and stuff. I was told that my grandma was sent to the hospital. My heart sank when I heard this from my maid. She told me that her hand was caught between the door when it slowly closed. I asked if it was bleeding, when she told me it was, I shaken, but I hoped it wasn't that serious, and just relax and continue doing my stuff. 

When my mum came back to tell me the story, I couldn't believe that my grandma had suffered for around 2 hours with a piece of her flesh coming our from her little finger, and she refused to go the the hospital. She still had the strength to eat, even when her hand continue bleeding. She just did not want my maid to tell my uncle or my other aunts and my mum, she said 'I don't want to worry them, just bare with it'. 

When I heard that, I thought 'ah-ma, how can you go through these suffering? At the cost of possibly your own life?' 

Luckily, my maid was smart to inform them, but it was a bit to late, the doctor say that the flesh can't be fix back, but it will heal. My grandma will just have to settle with a shorter little finger. And the thought of it gave me mix feelings. Whether it was disgust, pain, disbelief, it was very unpleasant. Even I could feel the pain in my mum's words, and she could feel the pain too.

My grandma has went through harder times, so I believe she is strong enough to endure this pain, for 2 hours, but she could have lost a lot of blood, and that ain't good for someone in her eighties. If I did not go for fencing, or I did not do my project, and went home, this would not have happen, or at least the damage would not be so bad. Why wasn't I there? I would sacrifice everything for friends, and even more for family members, because I love them. She has always been there for me, supporting me from behind secretly, always concerned about me. I can't do anything for her yet, but only get good grades like she always wanted me too, and bring her to my graduation day. Maybe sub-consciously, I wanted to show her my good results, so I stayed back to do my project, to make everyone happy, but I feel that this is just an excuse. 

I see her every morning, and sometimes when I come home around 7-8pm, while she is watching the Cantonese Soap Oprah on Channel 8. And all I say is hi and bye to her. It is only now, that I feel, that is not enough. 

This fear, of my grandma being hurt, of her being sent to the hospital, of her bleeding, of her with the risk of blood lost(I'm not going to go there), only makes me think that I don't cherish her existence that much as she cherishes mine. 

I fear that it won't be the same without her, even if I don't see her often. 

I fear that I won't be able to show her my graduation day, before anything happens to her. 

I fear that I did not show enough love to her the way she loved me. 

I fear that there won't be another chance. 

I fear the death of my family members.

I thought I was fine with death, as it is part of life, of the cycle of impermanence, but of a family member who has been living under my roof for most of my life, I can't bare to let go. My grandma is more or less prepared, but I'm not, not yet. It is through incidents like this which makes you think otherwise, how anything can happen at anytime, so cherish them, cherish the people, cherish your family. 

I love you grandma, I pray and hope everything will be fine. 

Fearing Odds

What is one thing that you wanted so badly but could never ever get hold of it?

Knowledge. I don't know everything about the universe yet

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

Do you believe in treating people right so that they'll treat you right in return?

I don't expect anything in return if I treat them well, even if they treat me like dirt

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

Is there someone you love more than yourself?

Ya, everyone else

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

Which is more important to you?Family or Friends?and why?

Family comes after friends, they are slightly more important. Friends may come and go, family too, but for family, its to death till us part.

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

What would you do to concentrate in your studies?

Void everything out and drown myself in music

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

What do you do if your friend betrayed you?

Stay as friends. I never hold grudges, it's my fault for entrusting him/her with that :) If only the other side is responsive.

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A power ranger

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What one thing are you exceptionally good at?

Thinking

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

What are your views on marriage?

girlfriend hunt: Game over. Now for a new game: managing a family

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

Would you rather vacation at the beach or in the mountains?

At the beach, mountains would be awesome and all, but only if i go in a big group.

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

People, An Interesting Bunch

It could be too late by now. Maybe poisoned? Maybe cured? I don't know. It's not difficult to see whatever happen, happened. I don't really know the reason; I can ask, but indirectly. I seen this situation before, countless of times, I deal with it in may different ways, but it really depends on the individual how you deal with it. I would like being approached instead of approach, but not everyone is approachable, not everyone is open, and if you approach to these individuals, they sway away, or just lie, and hide in the little safe spot of theirs.

At the beach, I learn more about how interesting humans are, and something about body language. This made me think: the tone, action, movement; different from before. I always give myself some leeway, maybe its just today, maybe its just coincidence, maybe my assumption is just stupid and wrong, but I only believe it is true when I see or feel it the second time, which is, learning a bit about body language. I pick things up fast, so I can understand things better, and it just increase the possibility of fact instead of fiction. I will stay optimistic; I know nothing, or something, you hide it, its fine. What you want to say, to show, to express, I'll still trust in you. It may be a lie, and my assumption is correct, but I'm not going to prove it right, because it is just assumptions created by myself. I'm going to give the trust that which all my friends gave to me, no matter who you are, because what is a good friendship/relationship without trust and friends? 

I might be a fool, I might be naive, but I'm aware of that, and I believe that in trusting others, they will reciprocate and trust you back. It might hurt if I know if that is not the case, but you are my friend, and I will take that hit no matter what, and I will continue smiling knowing I still have friends, because I will help you, I will stand up for you, I will protect you, I will trust you, because that's what true friends do. 

If that's the case, I will not falter, I will not doubt, I will not assume neither right or wrong. I because believe in you: I will not stop, I will not rest, I will not leave till things clear up. 

Only I can break myself, no one else can. No one else can break me except for me. 

I learned a thing or two today, but one thing I know: Psychology rocks. People, they really are an interesting bunch. 

Moving Arrowheads 

What kind of game interest you ?

Soccer, NINJA, and Bang!

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

If you've a chance to create your own world, what will you create and why ?

A world that I can continue to edit even after I create it

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

Sometimes, It Requires Effort

I dreamt a dream. A dream where I stayed in these condominiums. there were 5 blocks: these blocks oversee the area where they circled around. The buildings were connect in the centre by walkways and bridges to the multiple platforms in the centre, every 4 levels had one. Buildings too were connected side to side, with escalators. Each platform had different things: Eateries, Gyms, Water Sports, Stadium, Parks, Playgrounds, Theme Parks, Lan Shops, Hideouts, Zoos, Hangouts, Laboratories almost anything you can think off. Surrounding the condominiums is a transparent dome, where it scales as high as the space beyond, acting as protection to the buildings, and a cosmic weather machine, where we can control the seasons, the stars, the moon, the rain, the snow, the sun. And directly outside the the dome, is the beach, surrounding 360 degrees of its circular base. 

Within these 5 blocks, there live me, and each and everyone of my friends and family. We hang-out, do things together, enjoy our life peacefully. Although we are shaken by certain matters, we still make our way back to happiness. And as the more friends I know, the taller the building grows. It feels like a Utopia, in a sense. 

But it was all just a dream. Reality is never really nice, we escape to somewhere good, some fantasy we construct perfectly, but all is not perfect as the skyscraper falls, because of the flawed base we built on called 'The truth'. We may do it to make yourself contented, but you must be prepared to face life once you come back. 

What happened to us? Can't it be like last time? We changed, everyone has. 

Life is never perfect the way you want or imagine it to be. The only thing we can do is to change ourselves for the better, and support those that have change, whether for better or for worst. 

Only fools succumb to hate, the strong learn to let go. 

 ‎'Enemies' are one of your good friends: they help you make new friends with that common interest; unknowingly, they take one for the team; unexpectedly, they help your reach new heights, and actually do many other things for you, if you do take notice. I never believed in enemies, rivals is more like it. 

What can I say? I have many things on my mine, one of which is play. The other is work, which I usually push aside and delay it as much as possible till the last minute. The next is friends, the concerned of their well-being and wanting to make new friends. Family is another, the time I spent with them everyday. And everything else important, which I can't think of right now. 

School started, and in another 1-2 months, school is going to end till the next semester. Time flies, literally. I'm eighteen already, and look at the amount of post I have for an eighteen year old on my blog. Busy with life, with work, with friends, with family and the things I stated above. But everything is a new beginning for me. Just that as things ends, new things starts to appear, and new thing are coming out way too fast, things are ending to fast. 

Be it fast, be it tough, be it painful, be it hurtful, we just have to carry on with the life with have, because if we have the will, that one life will never reach a game over, and eventually complete the game. 

Sometimes, It Just Requires Effort

Missing Findings

If someone is going to buy you a present, what is something that you really wish to have as a gift from someone?

Nothing much, a simple hug is enough :)

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

Life, Get Over It

I love to observe, so would you bother?

I love to help, so would you let me?

I love to give, so would you allow it? 

I love to advice, so do you need it? 

I love to encourage, so do you require it?

I love to appreciate, so do want it? 

And I love somethings like this to be returned, so would you do it? 

Dedicated to the unsung heroes of the world. May you one day receive instead of give. 

Music, a remedy, where you can escape and relax for the madness, and float into your fantasy. Where it gives you self-realization of you and the world you are against. It gives you hope to something you thought lost. And it gives you time to think. Yet, its a drug, where you can dwell in your fantasies for oblivion. Understanding the things which you are unable to grasp, breaking your mental self. Gives you false hope of what you couldn't realize. And you over think, something which is that simple turn complex. 

Music, its a cure, and a curse. 

How much mental, emotional and physical strain can one person handle? Have I experience it before? Have I seen someone experience it before? Human's have intriguing ways of handling oneself, and working with one another. Classes and cliques of people holds different limits, and works better in ways so unusual even I want to ask 'why'. The thinking of people, the brain that holds everything, and we only use 20% of it. At times, I want to experience this strain, how I succumb to it, or how I overcome it. What will it take for me to stop that pain. It sounds sadistic yes, but the only way to know it is through yourself. 

But sometimes, seeing people going through the same course you did helps you understand that as well. And that what I want to know. Its an intriguing process, but in my heart, I can't stand people getting hurt, and that's something my morals would prevent me to understand.

What does it take to make your life great? Do you think your life is good enough? If you don't, then just live that 'awesome' life of yours, or work towards something better. If you do, make it better. Why stop at good when you have that will to make it better? 
A friend once said, you have somethings that you are bad in, and somethings you excel at, but no one said that these bad things can become something good. If you think this is a 'great' life, so be it. If you want it to be happy and better, do something about it. It is easier being happy than depressed, just sit down alone, close your eyes and clear your mind. 


Well its late, I have a camp tomorrow(actually later). A summery of my life so far: 
Do what is given to you and prove them wrong, even how fucked up it is. 
Its getting fucked up as the time goes by. 
Proving myself is not easy. 
There is nothing to prove, so just do it. 
Belief in each other is minimum. 
My eye-candy eye-candied me on the bus. 
Common test. 
Studying during common test. 
Maplestory(somehow I got into it again). 
A small summery made of life in society for us(so far).
Common test ends. 
AEM Help-out. 
Proposal of captain ball. 
Training has just started, and it was... Interesting. 
Things just doesn't go in the way I want it to be. 
So lets see what going to happen. 


Risky Shores. 

favourite cereal?

I Don't eat cereal, I think

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

Would you rather have the ability to fly, or the ability to breathe underwater?

Fly

Hey Person, Ya You, Ask Something, Ask Anything :D

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A Superhero, And I Still Want To Be One Now :D

Whatever you can or cannot think of, stupid or intelligent, personal or relationships, just Ziam :D

I enjoy life, enjoy learning, enjoy the company that I have, enjoy the fun, enjoy the laughter, enjoy the appreciation which I get. 
Judgement, assumption, passing off remarks, why do we commit these acts of stupidity before understanding why, what, how and who? Why don't we pass judgement after? Why do old habits die hard? Why don't we change? Why won't we change? 
I crave for the answers that I sought for, yet the replies take a lifetime, or maybe in a second. 


The complexity of life can be simmered down to something as simple as paper. 


Well, the common test are coming up, I got a feeling there are people here and there who misjudge me, I see difficult times ahead, simple problems which turns into a big fuss, challenges which lies ahead, and a life which I have to lead. Just today, I went to gym. 
Elections for main committee just went up, so let see what happens. 
Gut feeling says it not going to be pretty. 


The essence of life is still far from my knowledge. 


Saplings which requires help 


Open Yourself

Personas That I Have

Multiple personas that I have developed with my different groups of friends. Some know me as the quiet type, others knows me as the kind hearted person, a few know that I'm the crazy one, and many know that I'm very forgiving, but which is my actual identity? I myself don't really know. I have been living between multiple personas, which varies from my SBM peeps, class friends, FOC freshies, secondary mates, Society people, Fencing buddies, cousins, and many other family and friends, that I don't really remember who I actually am, my own personality. Or is this the person I am? To live multiple lives among different people.

See if I can sort these feelings out.

Busy Bees Buzzing

I finally found the time to blog again! Yay!

Well, life has been, difficult lately. Been busy with projects, friends, homework, CCAs. It's kinda getting a little hectic. No time to play any computer games, the cruelty. The best part is, common test is just two week away. Great.

Well in other news, Transfer Processes: Heat And Mass, or TPHM for short, has cause me much trouble in my studying, cause that is my weakest module of all, and I dislike the way my teacher teaches. So I got to suck up and work on my own.

Anyway, many things has happen, many thoughts ran through my mind, but none actually bother to say there for a few more weeks, so I got nothing more to say here.Just decided to post something for April, because my next post might be due in June.

Some inspiring and no-so inspiring stuff on my Facebook wall:

When you sleep in a lecture and wake up, you tell yourself to listen, then you fall asleep again and again, till your friend whacks you in the head and say 'pay attention! don't sleep!' And will keep doing that till you stay awake. 
Reminders: You frequently need them from being a hypocrite, and it usually comes from friends and family. 


Put your boxing gloves on and don't take it off, it may stink, but it helps fight through your problems. 
Persevere: Enduring through hardships makes you stronger 


Yes, you can be emotionally attached to something, bad or good, but remember this: all things/everything are never permanent. It's born, it grows, its tragedy, it dies. Even your own feelings work that way. You can be emotionally attached to something, but always be prepared to face reality, for you will never know when it disappear. 
Impermanence: cause nothing is forever 


We can't change everyone, but we can start from ourselves. If others don't realize we are trying, we let them harp all they can, because as long you know it is the right thing, change will come soon. 


How do yo feel when someone helps you in a problem? Happy and grateful I believe?
When you are helping someone, feel the same way, happy and grateful, because you show compassion and loving kindness.
No matter how frustrated you are when people feel you are incapable or has no need to help, not showing any sense of gratitude and happiness whatsoever, remember this: The fruits of your labour will arrive, eventually. 


Singapore has become a giant sauna. On the bright side, people can stop complaining on losing weight 


Sundays makes me feel below average


Well I guess thats about all. I'm going offline now, don't miss me 


'I See The Way You Go And Say You're Right Again, Say You're Right Again, Heed My Lecture' 


Undecided Faith