Confused: Unsung or Fame

Who wouldn't want it? Popularity? Fame? Attention? Who doesn't want it? Appreciation? Recognition? Acceptance? We all say we don't, we tell them there isn't a need for it. But, within us, we want it. It's a simple form of reverse psychology. No matter how much you force yourself saying, you no need help, you no need this, you no need that, inside you, there is a small bit which says 'it's not true, I want it'. 

For a person like me, yes, I feel that way at times, like when I say there is no need for this, there is no need for that, I don't mean it, but it I only feel that way if they ask 'you need it?'. If they keep their mouth shut, I feel, what is the point for them to show attention, to recognize me, to appreciate what I have done? And a scenario like this, makes me think: Screw popularity, screw attention, screw recognition, screw appreciation, as long as I'm doing things right, as long as I'm doing things I like, doing things not against my morals, then I no need all of it, because what I'm doing, it makes me happy. 

In the situation however, when they ask, I feel that they want me, need me, appreciate me. And then, I'll pull the 'Nah, it's ok, I don't need it', so I can feel more appreciation. Sounds kinda dumb, I know, but if I can get more, then why not?

And it is because of these two conflicting scenarios, at times, I don't know if I want popularity, fame, attention, appreciation, recognition, acceptance, at times I like being an unsung hero, someone that gets the job done, and nothing more that it being another day, being it simple, nothing complicated. And at times, I want people to listen to me, to hear me out, where maybe I can do something more, when they need me, want me there. 

And as how I deal my problems, I figure them out myself, usually. It's easy at times, but sometimes, it takes someone to inspire, to help me. I wonder if I can find that someone. 

Wondering Preferences