Everyone know this famous phrase 'once bitten, twice shy'. And it is mainly used for many things, one of it is love. Love is a very big topic to cover, but its something everyone must face. And of course, almost everyone, needs love, those who doesn't are people who will eat your souls, most probably.
Now, let go to something more specific. Let talk about crushing on someone. I for one, am a person that can fall for someone very easily, mainly because I take more notice on their good points, what makes girls beautiful to take note, to look at, to smile at, and less notice on their bad ones. Being it on the surface like pretty, cute, hot ,to their character like nice, smart, elegant, caring, I don't see much of a flaw. And when even I see a flaw, I always believe that it can be corrected. However, do take note that the form of crushing only happens when you barely got to know the person. Whether or not you develop strong feelings or just that 'I just want to be friends with this awesome person' happens later on, only when you get to know them better. So basically, crushing is the basic form before actual love is cultivated, and it is usually one-sided, until some time later, or maybe never.
So, what with the phrase 'once bitten, twice shy'? Well, if so happens that you do develop strong feelings, you would start doing stupid things at times without thinking, because that feelings will cause a blur when evaluating. At times risking it works, but in my case, I fail quite a lot, to an extent that the phrase would not apply to me, but still does. Sure I'm immune to the pain of rejection, where I usually get over it fast and pretend nothing wrong or awkward has happened, but guess what? I'm still afraid of it. Being through things made me think through my actions better, much more logical, but to a point where there is an abyss in the way. Sure, it may have gone smoothly so far, but I lack that risk to jump over. And seeing that my standing broad jump isn't that good in both aspects, I always fail to make it over, make it in time, or just don't jump.
For a person like me, I hate risk, simply put it, cause its not foolproof. Factors always affect the entire thing, and when it does, you usually screw yourself. Of cause, everyone ask you to go for it and all, but stupidly, it not their life, it yours, and you are screwing with it. That's why I'm keeping it a secret, something I need to deal with myself, something that no one knows or take seriously of me.
One more thing, I hate keeping secrets, but I can, it just pains me that I can't tell to someone close to at times. Why? Simple, I like gossip, who doesn't?
I hold the burden in, with much control. I want help, but I believe in myself, and sometimes, it sucks. Why you must tell a secret to someone? It's something you need to talk about, so you can share the load, seek friends for advice, or just to develop a common topic to talk about or make friends. Trust is something which might be lost, when undervalued, if you spread a secret. So now the problem is, should I?
I lost myself halfway typing, so if parts of it seems rubbish, then it is. According to the list, it has stayed stagnant from the last time, so I don't bother typing it out again, until a significant change. More or less you know from this post, I'm crushing on someone, which I feel impossible to get, even though I say impossible is an excuse not to try. Why? Simple, she is nice, sociable, cute, pretty, sweet, fun-loving, and this list can go on and on and on, and to think, which guy would not have an eye on her? Or even some guy is already with her for all I know. I may lack confidence, but my ego and self-esteem has never left me one bit.
Confidence, i need to find it.
On a side note, awesome day today. Porridge was awesome and the after dinner activities and antics were great.
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