Trees

A seed, it may not seem much, but once you plant it, something so minuscule becomes mammoth. In the end, one day or another, it will die. Before it departs for the world that we know, it leaves mere seeds dropping from a hovering canopy, to the forest floor. These seeds will be like it, either letting nature do its job, or a person to cultivate it, or might be even food for the wildlife around,and even food goes back to the ground eventually. It will grow like the one it was, hovering all grandeur and mighty.
From age, comes wisdom.
We all started out as a little seed. We grew, branching out whatever we learn, from the glaring light that shined from the sun guiding us the way up, the water which gives us courage to stand firm, and the air that we breathe, knowing that we are still living as we are today.
When we grow, we develop ideas, interest, knowledge, feelings; those are the seeds of the trees. They grow in you as well, and can influence the growth of seeds, for the better or the worst.
It affects and/or cultivates by/with/our people around us, or it may grow along side you, and or it may just be a consideration. Its a selective for farmers to choice the best seeds, and the rest just grows or get eaten and returned too.
Yet, no tree is the same, even though it comes from that one tree, it is different. It is not where it comes from that is important, it is not how and where it start that makes it different, neither where it end, it is the process of growth which makes each tree special and unique.
All trees have a lifespan, whether small, big, different, similar, and so do you, as well as your ideas. One day, it will wither and die, either remembered or forgotten.

Trees: its representation is more that what shown here. How you picture a tree, is up to you.

Well, that just came fluently. I was just thinking about trees, and here I am, with a post about it, or something to that extent.
Exams are about to end soon, with one paper to go on Friday, plus one on Monday, because of dip-plus. Hah, I made a cold joke, lame. Anyway, since the holidays are coming soon, and another semester of my exploits in Polytechnic is about to come to a close, and a new holiday is here. Before you know it, its school all over again. And I been thinking, 'have I achieved what I wanted to do in this semester?' Grades on the other hand, have failed to my expectations, from what I foresee.
So putting that aside, I'm already awesome at Texas poker now, because I'm known for being a comeback king every Thursday. I have more friends now, which is awesome. I enjoyed photography lessons in school. I attend frequent sharings and is more involved at SBM now.
Hmm, that's about all I guess. Things I see, other than grades, which I did not achieve are better social skills, who does want that? I want it.
Fitness, I'm getting a belly now.
Closer friends, friends are friends, but I want to be a better friend.
A girlfriend, that is always in my list every semester.
Better LSCT training. As an instructor, I actually suck, but truth is the rest suck more. No offence though. Yes, they are learning no doubt, I don't expect a drastic change in results though, but I just can't picture how it will end when FOC comes, or maybe its just that I don't want to picture it. I have not fully given up in the spirit of society, but I just don't see it there anymore. One voice can't do anything, especially me, some how or rather. I join main committee so that work together with my fellow mates, and return back to society. I was wrong, society changed people in ways which I did not want. All I want now is my fellow GLs back.

Anyway, swaying off from topic, there are somethings I didn't expect: Like drinking too much
Spending too much
Unexpectedly getting to know some people better
Crushing on someone

And many others which I can't think off right now. Well, my check list for the holidays should be done by Monday latest, I'll get back to you on that.

Re-Reflections

I feel that today, I won't type about something lame, something that is stupid, something that I feel that is not worth saying, but still type it for the sake of this blog. This maybe long, but reflections about my life is sometimes required. Maybe it is stupid, maybe it is not required, and so don't read, it will be long, I warn you. 

What made me feel this way? The emotions of others, the comments passed around about me, my friends and people I have not met, the reactions of friends, the way I do work, the way I lead, the thoughts in my brain, the things around me basically. The things I take note everyday, just accumulate within me, and it really didn't affect me, until it reach the point of threshold. I don't know if that point is even fixed, maybe it varies? It could be that time of everyone's life, where we think, what is the meaning of life? Our life? 

I had many moments like this, thinking if this was the correct way, has my attitude made anyone unhappy, is this the way I should lead my life? And many others nevertheless. It has been acting as my review, as my reminder on my goals, aspirations, dreams, attitude, outlook and many other things, which I can't remember of right now. A person told me, that from the outer appearance of mine, he can clearing tell me that I'm still trying to find myself, who I actually am? I say I have multiple personas no doubt, with different people around, I react differently, so and so I don't know which one of me is real. 

I believe in astrology and horoscopes, majority of it, especially those that explain ones personality, but not ones relationships. And 90% of that, is seemingly true. I'm actually an Aries-Pieces cusp, a combination of both, and depending on the date, usually the characteristics of one will be more dominant than the other. However, I was born on the day directly in between. Seeing that both of them conflict each other a lot, in my case, my ideals within me conflict very much, and maybe that is the reason why I have to review myself, frequently. If I was aware enough, I can change these attributes, but sub-consciously, when you are off your guard, you revert back to the characteristics of your horoscopes, from what I noticed. And with me being such a cusp, I lead many personas. Yet there must be something, somewhere, I can find who I really am, maybe it is something good? Maybe its something not? I'll find out, one day. 

Reminders, something I dread, usually the type of reminders your parents, friends and any other person keep harping on, I know it is good, because not everyone can remember everything on their first try, but I have always dislike harping, especially those who makes use of people's bad experiences and moments in their life, or in my life. We know how bad that incident was, we all saw it, we all can remember what we did wrong, something so big which me, myself can remember for life, and you bring it up just to think that I am not capable of doing other things, just to shoot me down, because you, yourself think that you are so great? What about the good things I did? Why don't you bring that up to remind me??? I always think it that way at the start, and if I don't think further on through those covers, I will just get frustrated. 

When I think through those covers, I can find the reason why you do that. I mention earlier, we can't remember everything, we have to reminded frequently before it can be permanently registered, or just something worth remembering. Yet, like I say, if there was something worth remembering, something that I can learn from, I will remember, and you don't have to repeat it. Of course, I won't know if you are just using it as a form of mockery, which I dislike. Although I have learn that you are able to use negative comments to make yourself a better person, I couldn't use that in things which has already had an impact on me. It just makes me bitter to see people raising up flaws instead of glory. Yet, even if it pisses me off for people to do that, I got to thank them for doing so, by nailing it deeper in my head, so I will never forget. By helping me be be more outspoken and not giving up, by arguing back even though I'm fighting a losing debate. By controlling my metal and over come my limits, where my heart knows that its my fault, but my brain will never succumb to admit my wrongdoing, usually, unless it is obvious of course. 

I love to debate, shown above, and I have that never-lose spirit, but sometimes being unable to accept defeat isn't a bad thing. If people are as strong headed as you, one side has to stop the fire, and by giving in at times, resolves the problems. However, I'm an ideologist, and I usually support my own idea, unless, of course, you are able to prove me wrong in an intellectual debate, on why your idea is better. If people don't support my idea, I may just show them a fucked up attitude, or just hide it to myself, at the least, depends on basis. Now, when I have an idea, I feel that it must be implemented if arguments about it is invalid. Maybe I need to know, why am I doing this? Is this beneficial, or self-centered? Is there a point fighting for it? At times, I know friends who do this, and of course, I don't want to be like them, especially when you place your emotions into work-related projects. My idea may not always be the right way; that is something I ought to learn. Somehow, I came to notice this today, when I wanted to show that it wasn't wrong of what I was doing, until I was shot down, basically it was only self-beneficial to me by doing so. I still give excuses, but I just can't can't give them. I know I did my wrong, but I still fight for it being something which isn't a big matter. Maybe I'm just screw? I still got things to learn I guess. 

It was supposed to be known that left-handed are generally smarter and excel better at sports than right handed people. And it is not just my left-hand, I am overall left-dominant, where even my leg, eyes and ears, are left-dominant. Yet that doesn't mean anything if I don't put in effort to study. It only takes 5% genius, and 95% effort, to do something awesome. Efforts weakness is laziness, which is currently producing nothing. Need to work on my effort to do something.

Cyberspace. Actually, cyber-gaming. I'm weak against games, and that what my will tells me. And what does this actually benefit me, other than hand-eye coordination and mindless fun? Maybe exploring a great community? Rarely. We play, we eat, we sleep. Well that what I think. And don't you feel that it is a little meaningless? Gaming is a waste of time and money, from what I feel. I could be off exercising, training, building up my knowledge, and I use this time to play games. Although after awhile, you get sick of these games and give up on them, one day, you may just want to pick them up and play again. And really, it consumes your time like hell. That's one thing I'm putting effort in, and not in anything else. And really, putting effort into gaming won't bring you far. Wake up Glen, do something meaningful and worthwhile in your life. Yet how much I plan a schedule, it wouldn't work out pretty much in the end, after a few days of change, you may just want to change back. 

Love? I shall not touch on that. Let's just say, nothing much, but even still, we all do have it, and each of us has our personal definition, but I think love can be generalize just to something simple.

Effort, I have told myself something important every single day: Effort beckons results, where the more the effort, the better the result is of that specific aim. Throughout this ranting, I have been explaining myself, so I can do something about it with the help of effort. I have done it, writing this lengthy post, at such a late time. I put in so much effort just for myself, so I can find true meaning in life. However, when you place effort on something, you only can really focus one thing to be about to get it 99.9% perfect. If not, you can see the cracks and flaws here and then. Maybe, it really boils down to effort. The more effort you put into something, the better results you get.

And from there I work up. 

That's all I remember which required typing. No doubt I have wrote a lot, but this is just a small portion. Currently, I'm just to tired to think and requires rest. My reflection shall end here, and I hope that I can turn into some better. 

If what you read was corny and horrible, then that is your problem. I think I forgot what I typed in this state of mental fatigue.

4am Sleep

Are Dreams Found In The English Dictionary?

Sleeping late at night recently, or some call it very early morning, has caused me to dream almost everyday, from Monday onward. And no, they are not wet dreams.

Of course, not everyone has develop the skill of remembering everything from a dream. I can remember bits and pieces only. From: 

a tsunami, to a hotel building, out a small house, attending a council gathering, and a zombie apocalypse, where I went to a TF2 map, I saw a heavy and a scout, missing a space shuttle, powering the next space shuttle, acting like a hero, kissing a girl, running, lots of it, defending at a bunker, and I think that is all I can remember. At times, I'm aware that I'm in a dream, because I so called, magically transported from a place to another, and I just carry along with the dream. At times, when I wake up, I wish I was still back there, especially when ends at the good part or leaves me hanging on a cliff. 

I still remember the time, that I type on the blog, about a dream with a certain someone, obviously a girl, like having a great time, not sex, but a good time. And then I woke up from the sound of blabbering Indians construction workers outside my house. I tried to go back to sleep and encounter that dream again, only to find myself in a zombie apocalypse, and I was running for the hell of my life. Funnily, saying prayers out loud in my dreams makes the zombies ignore you, as I ran past my mum and grandma praying. And when I woke up, the feeling just sucked. 

Anyway, enough of dreams, and I'm here to talk about stuff, starting with the English dictionary. It interest me to see that 400 new words have been added in to the official words of Oxford Dictionary. Some of these words include Retweet, Sexting, Woot and Noob. So when English teachers mark us down for these imaginary words, tell them to look it up in the dictionary, and I still can't help notice that my computer and Google Chrome made red wiggly line under those words what noobs. There it is again! 

Nyan cat on violin is awesome, as it is on piano, I need to learn!!!

So here to end off the post by saying I have my examinations tomorrow, after which I'll study at SBM. 

Life is hard. 

Chasing While Being Chased

I assume yet again.

It's like a game of snake and ladders. Roll a dice, take a chance, move forward or slide backwards. If there is players, its just more tense, because there can be only one winner, no second place. But what if there are people who are playing for you? And you are playing the same game for someone? Than that is a problem.
I love to be friends, best friends, true friends.But I just pray that it is not to the extent to what I think it is.

Cruel Fate

A Message, Reminders And A Line About A Dream

I don't know, are you referring to me? If you are,
I can tell you, I don't understand, but I want to understand, I want to help, if you no need help, then I respect that decision. If that does happen, no matter what you do, you're still a good friend to me, I don't care if it is or isn't ugly, everyone's beautiful, because I always can see the nice things. Force? Never, will I do that, you don't have to if you don't want too. My friends make me smile. What or who makes you smile?
If you are not, then its a message to you, my support is with you :)

It's has been an interesting week.

For me, when I say hi and bye to someone, I do recall the times I had with them, that awesomeness which was created. Even if they don't reply back, it was a pleasure to say hi to you. You made me smile by saying hi, hope I can make you smile when we meet again.

Another thing, how do you help others when you can't help yourself. If you can't help yourself, then ask help from others. It's a simple cycle. Help if you can, and if they ask, help them back. First of all though, help yourself, or request for help. We all need support, we all need help, we are always depended, its not shameful to. No matter how much you say you can handle it, you will need it. And don't worry, there are always hands there for you to grab, whether you want it or not.

The importance of a thing or situation depends on how you relay it across.

The smallest things in life can cause a great impact in the way we lead it.

We all know it, yet we don't action on it.

If I had one wish, I would wish everyone to be happy. 


I think that is about all. I remembered I dreamt of surviving a tsunami, which I did, like a boss. And my hamster is lazing on its wheel now. 


Contagious Concepts